Happy Valentines day

By Warsha Autar

Dear No one,

In almost every fairytale the princess is saved by a true love’s kiss, and in others, the princess’ tears of love save the cursed prince.

If there is one thing I have learned from the wonderful students on campus is that everybody has a story. Everybody has their own demons to face and dragons to slay. People are broken, complex, and confused beings and they often expect love to be their salvation. They expect their future spouses to be able to pick up their broken pieces and make them whole again.

I am so sorry to ruin this beautiful daydream, but love won’t do this.

I have known broken people and I have been broken myself a few times too. One of those times, when I was having a particularly bad day, I had the strongest urge to talk to a good friend. At that time, this person had strong feelings for me. A part of me wanted to talk to that person, because I wanted to be complimented, to be held, and to be loved. But I didn’t love him back like that, I just saw him as my friend.

It was in that moment that I realized that expecting someone to fix you, even if you were to have feelings for that person, is incredibly unfair. I didn’t contact my friend, because he deserved someone who wanted to talk to HIM, instead of someone who would just be begging for compliments to feel better about herself.

Especially because this is the month of February, in which love and being a couple are presented as the norm. I would just like to remind you that it’s okay if you’re not ready for love yet. There is nothing wrong with loving yourself before you commit to anything with anyone. Maybe it’s for the best if you wait even if a great person comes along, otherwise you might love for the wrong reasons, like me during my bad day.

That’s not to say that love doesn’t support or stimulate healing, on the contrary: it does. But eventually, all of that healing must come from you first. So don’t feel pressured to throw yourself into a relationship you may not be ready for, just because everybody around you is in love. Love yourself first, by allowing yourself to heal. It’ll take time to feel whole again, but it’s for the best.

And if you are ready to love, don’t force it. I am a big sap, who believes in fate and how love will find a way to you when the time’s right. So, if that date didn’t go as planned, or if you are unexpectedly single on valentine’s day, don’t sweat it. The right person will come along, I promise. And if you’re getting really impatient it’ll be an easy decision. Choose between using Tinder, or getting a bunch of cats. Clearly those are your only two other options. Just kidding! (Or am I?)

Happy Valentines day.

Love (always),
Warsha Autar

p.s. Did you know Dear No one isn’t just a Baismag column? It’s also a love song written and performed by Tori Kelly.