In this series, I will try to teach you some Dutch for Dummies, aka some must-knows when communicating with Dutch people. Because I’ll admit: we have some unique habits. Today, I’m discussing the different types of offering. Because yes, we have more than one.
The stereotype of the Dutch as greedy or at least frugal might throw you off, but we do actually like to share. Some of my Dutch friends love offering me hot chocolate, or we share food that we brought to campus. That doesn’t mean, however, that there’s no conventions surrounding the whens and whats of your acceptance. When I told some international friends that no, you cannot accept each and every offering, always, they were always so surprised … I realised I might need to spend an entire part on this. To save you from some embarrassment.
And yes, it’s based on the speech act analysis I submitted for Communicating Across Cultures last year. What about it?
To discuss the different types of offering, and your expected different responses, let’s focus on a single utterance: “Bitterbal?” Given that most of the international students will, by now, also know what bitterballen are, I think we can agree that this utterance is likely to be an offer – an offer of a bitterbal.
Imagine the following three scenarios, all taking place in an informal setting and with semi-close relationships between the participants of the interaction:
- A Dutch student stands up to walk to the kitchen, where they will get some bitterballen out of the oven. Before they do, however, they turn to you, and utter: “Bitterbal?”
- The Dutch student has just returned from the kitchen, where they took some bitterballen out of the oven. Now, they are holding up a plate filled with bitterballen in front of you. They utter: “Bitterbal?”
- The plate with bitterballen is almost empty, there’s just one bitterbal left. The speaker makes eye contact with you and utters: “Bitterbal?”
You might think that the situations are nearly identical, that in each case a bitterbal is being offered to you, and that in every scenario, it is okay for you to accept the bitterbal. If that’s the case, then I hate to break it to you, but you just offended the Dutch student in scenario C.
I will admit that these scenarios offer very similar contexts. However, a key contextualisation cue differs, and that is the amount of bitterballen present.
In scenario A, the speaker still needs to get the bitterballen, hence offers you one, to ensure that there will be a bitterbal for you later. Furthermore, since they still have to do something to get themselves a bitterbal anyways, you are not imposing on their strength, time and energy by accepting the bitterbal. In scenario B, there are still plenty of bitterballen left for you to take one without imposing on someone else’s wish to have a bitterbal. Additionally, by holding up the plate to you, the Dutch student emphasises that the bitterbal is being offered to you. In scenario C, however, there is only one bitterbal left, and so the fact that the speaker performs the presented utterance indicates that they are interested in the bitterbal. Thus, the function here is to let you know that they would like the bitterbal, not to offer it to you. The reason that the speaker still performs the same speech act, uttering the phrase in the same form, is because extending the offer likely increases your positive assessment of them. If they would just take the last bitterbal, without inquiring your interest in it, this would likely make you dislike them. Hence, they “pretend” to offer it to you, seeming nice, but assuming that you will recognise their intention and decline. Which you should definitely do, else you offend them.
So next time a Dutchie offers you something, be it a bitterbal or something completely different, check the context. Is it the last one? Then decline the offer, just to be sure. Wouldn’t want to offend them, of course.
By Rosalie
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Image: unsplash.com
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