Part 1: Small talk 

In this series, I will try to teach you some Dutch for Dummies, aka some must-knows when communicating with Dutch people. Because I’ll admit: we have some unique habits. Today, I’m discussing how we talk small talk, telling you how you can best engage in small talk with your Dutch friends, students, and acquaintances. 

Whether it’s the start-up of a conversation with a close friend or just something you do during the breaks: small talk is inherently present in any communication that occurs on the daily. As a little fun fact: “Little cows and calves”, is the literal translation of what we call “small-talk”. Despite the cute and alliteration-based name, unfortunately for you non-Dutchies, that doesn’t mean that there are no small talk conventions. 

“How are you?”

It’s how practically every interaction starts: asking the other person how they are. It’s sweet and shows genuine interest – or does it? I like to think that I take an interest in the people around me and their wellbeing, but to be quite honest – if I pass you in Wijnhaven next week, and I ask you “How are you?” I am not expecting you to give a fully truthful answer, unless “I’m fine!” is truthful. Of course, you don’t have to lie to me. You don’t have to tell me that life’s all rainbows and sunshine if it’s actually mostly clouds and rain. But the question is more intended as a “Hey, good seeing you!” than as a genuine inquiry into your full and true wellbeing. Just so you know. 

The weather

I know that the weather seems to be a cliche small talk topic. It’s often interpreted that way, isn’t it? “They talked about the weather” usually means that “they” didn’t talk full conversations about very serious stuff. No, it’s just something you say in passing, as a way to get the conversation started. Right? Once again, Dutchies don’t really seem to adhere to what seemed to be a universal convention. In fact, once you start talking about the weather here, you have already crossed the line from small talk into a full-fledged conversation. We take our weather very seriously. 

The NS

And if the weather has not been particularly delightful lately (little surprise there), whether you’ve talked about it or not, public traffic will come up. More specifically, the NS will probably come up. It’s a great small-talk topic, ideal for bonding with people you don’t really know that well. That is, if you adhere to our Dutch standards. Because let me be clear: I don’t care how expensive, or bad, or unreliable, or disgusting the trains are back in your home country, the NS is terrible. I’ve lost count of how many times I dared tell people that “actually, the trains weren’t so bad this week,” and almost got cut out of the conversations. It’s not because Dutchies don’t care about your experiences, or because we’re particularly pessimistic. No, we just like to complain, and the NS is our perfect victim. 

Compliments 

And then there’s compliments – specifically about clothes. Don’t be afraid to give them (do take into account the how, the when, and the whom, of course, but that’s a different topic altogether). But don’t be surprised when in return you get more than a “thanks!” or “nice shoes!”. I cannot explain this one, but I’ve noticed that Dutchies give (and expect) very elaborate responses to compliments about their clothes. They will tell you where they got it, how much they paid for it (bonus if they tell you that it was one sale), and possibly whatever other needless info they like to share. So if a Dutch person compliments your shirt, say thanks, but please don’t also forget to share all the above information. Otherwise, the conversation will die a lot quicker, because the other won’t know how to continue (after all, they expected more from you). 

Okay, so all together now: don’t be fully honest when you answer a “how are you question”, take the weather very seriously, always complain about the NS, and share everything you know about whatever clothing item of yours that just got complimented. Stick to these four points, and if anyone’s going to be a master Dutch small talk, that might just become you.